unpleasant

8 out of 10 days the voice greets me before the alarm goes off
wretched Pareto parody spewing vitriol and half truths
just loud enough to start a vibration
from the soles of my feet to the Fole in the sheet

I see him so I can't be him, right?

but he knows the territory far better than I,
grabs an answer from the preverbal shadowland,
and drapes it over my shoulder like a rotting prayer shawl

figured I had used all the punchcards for the shame pool up
but there's always one hanging around somewhere waiting to be found,
(usually when I'm looking for answers in drag - books, people, religion)

I know there's a better map, hell I saw it a couple times this week
(usually when I was looking for answers in drag - books, people, religion)
but here's the thing:

world finding is like word-finding - you need to keep it right in your
spiritual peripheral vision - aware of it but not looking right at it
wait for the shimmer and the draw,
then open the heart and let the light in

until then, or maybe on the way to then - there is just this:
anger and rage and cell farms roiling in entropy
and creating the mulch that is one step closer to sadness
one step farther from anxiety and madness
a necessary trudge in this point to point
struggling to take me home

sub ek?